Recollections of Mania

I’ve turned into a pumpkin
It’s way past midnight
It’s time to go home he says to me
I’m laughing like a jester
I’m much too preoccupied about dancing a tango
I’ve never done so, but I know I can
At least inside the world within my head
I know I can do anything because I am invincible

I’m whirling round and round
My feet don’t touch the ground
I’m off to Margaritaville
I can’t get there fast enough
Set me up with another Sex on the Beach shooter
I’m from this seaside town I say as I grin
The bartender looks at me curiously, then winks
As he sets it on the bar I swig it down and I order one more

Dazzling me
I am perceptive, I am sexy, I am sharp, I am effervescent, and I hear God’s songs
As you look at me in despair, casually looking at your watch
I’m the laughter in your tears
I’m out of control again, flying as high as the fireworks on the 4th of July
I’m as brilliant as their colors
I can’t get enough of this rush in my veins

The lights come up
It’s time to go
I beg the bartender for one more round
And he says no
The hairs stand up on the back of my neck
I slash him with my idioms and pull his tip off the rail
I turn on my heels and we’re out the door

The night’s still young, my head can’t decelerate
I’m thinking faster and faster, jumbled and disorganized
You tell me we must go home
Entire petulance

I say I want to drive the car like a rocket
We fight over the keys
As you pull them out of my hand
I am soaring; don’t end the party in my mind
I want to build a bonfire on the beach and watch the sun come up
You once again persuade me with your gentleness
And usher me into the car

Now the life of the party is gone
I’m screaming at you from the top of my lungs
I’ve changed gears somehow,
There’s no animation, no contagious smiles to be found
As gross irritability sets in
I bang my fits against the dashboard’s glow
I’m out of charm as it would seem
You didn’t realize I’d be the worst nightmare that you’ve ever dreamed.

Juliet Wilkerson
October 2004